It takes a lot of effort to wake up as a human being. It’s far easier and simpler to remain asleep than to wake up. Nowadays, however, we’re all having to question how we live our lives and that’s why you’re here, now, reading these words on your screen.

The Scottish psychiatrist RD Laing is said to have written that human beings are afraid of three things: death, other people, and their own minds. With our minds we create the world we live in, but the way we change our mind is to become an impartial and compassionate observer of the mind, not rush in at full speed in an attempt to change it.

Secular meditation is primarily about stillness, and self-observation. The practice of meditation demands that we remain still for a period of time, and having an open awareness rather than use the kinds of techniques that were developed long ago for monastics really helps.

When we do sit regularly, we become increasingly proficient at seeing what is happening in the mind. With this mindful awareness, we can then direct our attention not just at the mental content of our thoughts but also towards the emotions and mind states that inform these thoughts. And as we work through the material that surfaces, we become aware of the process of our mind.

Sitting with a gentle, permissive, open awareness, we get to see each frame of the movies as they run in the mind. We are then able to separate core event from reaction, and instead of running away from a difficult emotion, we make space for it while at the same time not identifying with it.

The stories of our future we write using past narratives. However, it’s not what happened in the past that creates our present pain and misery, but the way we’ve allowed past events to define how we see and experience ourselves. To get to know ourselves, we need to have a compassionate curiosity towards what’s happening within, in our inner world. This enables us to let go of those aspects of the self we choose not to go with, such as instinctive reactions that arise from implicit memory like wanting/not wanting.

Are you one of those people who feels like they’re in a constant state of reactivity? This is not so much to the world but to your interpretations of it. You are focussing here on the outside, not on your own internal self. Suppose someone triggers a reaction in you, what is more important: the person, or the reaction? Choice begins the moment we pause, and become present.

Meditation is a great way to work with our closest, most immediate environment – the internal one. Mindful awareness can be practised throughout the day, not just when we sit in meditation. We simply pay close attention to all our experience without seeking distraction.

Ah, but hang on a minute. You want to be ‘good’ at meditation, do you? Would you like deep insights to appear? Are you expecting spiritually uplifting things will happen? Sorry, but these are unlikely to happen in the foreseeable future. Don’t expect to be ‘good’ at meditation, to achieve anything; it’s a process of unfolding that demands that we act in a slow, persistent, and repetitive way, a gentle process.

Once you have an established meditation practice, your greatest challenge is to take full responsibility for that practice. Meditation braces our intuition, which in turn allows us to make informed choices about which practice(s) to pursue, which groups to join, which teachers to listen to, which websites to follow, and which books to read.

As we cultivate meditation, bringing the fourfold task and the eightfold path in general in our lives like the sunshine and rain that helps our food grow, something marvellous happens: this practice subtly but profoundly begins to transform us. It’s not just hard slog. If we meditate wisely and intelligently, the mind will lead us into some wonderful places.

So when you meditate, you will experience some ease in your life. You’ll be calmer, more emotionally present, more compassionate and less the victim of reactive triggers; a self-regulating adult, you’ll be less prone to self-soothing addictive behaviours.

But these are just promises on your screen. There’s only one way you will ever know if meditation is worth the effort: learn to do it, and keep on doing it. See for yourself.