Resources for mindful communication

February 16, 2024


We live in a world in which people are increasingly polarized around political, economic, and cultural issues. This polarization makes it more and more difficult for people to discuss these issues in a meaningful, productive way.

Social media has made the situation even worse. While the various social media platforms make it easier to find out information and connect with others, they have also facilitated misinformation and disinformation, as well as encouraged a lack of respect and compassion in our communications with each other.

Harsh and violent forms of communication have become an integral part of a broader anti-democratic trend in society which threatens democracy and human rights.

How can we, as secular dharma practitioners, respond wisely and compassionately in this context? How do we communicate with those we disagree with a lot, as well those who share our overall values but may disagree with us on particular issues? How do we communicate within our families, our communities, and in the wider political arena in ways which reduce suffering and promote flourishing?

Below are several books that can help us to communicate more mindfully and compassioantely. These valuable resources come from a variety of perspectives, not just Buddhism.

Mindful Communication Resources:

Susan Gillis Chapman - The Five Keys to Mindful Communication, Shambala, 2012.
Good communication is essential to any healthy relationship, whether it’s between spouses, family members, friends, or co-workers, and mindfulness—the practice of nonjudgmental awareness—can help us communicate more effectively and meaningfully with others in our personal and professional lives. Here, Susan Chapman, a psychotherapist and long-time Buddhist practitioner, explains how the practice of mindfulness awareness can change the way we speak and listen, enhance our relationships, and help us achieve our goals.

Frits Koster, Jetty Heynekamp, Victoria Norton (eds.) - Mindful Communication: Speaking and Listening with Wisdom and Compassion, Routledge, 2023.
Experienced mindfulness teachers and trainers Frits Koster, Jetty Heynekamp and Victoria Norton provide an outline of the mechanisms underlying mindful communication while a selection of experts presents a concise overview of six communication programs that are becoming well-known in the mindfulness world.

Thich Nhat Hanh - The Art of Communicating, HarperOne, 2014.
Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh, bestselling author of Peace Is Every Step and one of the most respected and celebrated religious leaders in the world, delivers a powerful path to happiness through mastering life’s most important skill. In this precise and practical guide, Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh reveals how to listen mindfully and express your fullest and most authentic self.

Marshall Rosenberg - Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, PuddleDancer Press, 2015.
If ‘violent’ means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate—judging others, bullying, having racial bias, blaming, finger pointing, discriminating, speaking without listening, criticizing others or ourselves, name-calling, reacting when angry, using political rhetoric, being defensive or judging who’s ‘good/bad’ or what’s ‘right/wrong’ with people—could indeed be called ‘violent communication.’

Oren Jay Sofer - Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication, Shambala 2018
We spend so much of our lives talking to each other, but how often are we simply running on automatic—relying on old habits and hoping for the best? Are we able to truly hear others and speak our mind in a clear and kind way, without needing to get defensive or go on the attack? In this groundbreaking synthesis of mindfulness, somatics, and Nonviolent Communication, Oren Jay Sofer offers simple yet powerful practices to develop healthy, effective, and satisfying ways of communicating.

Joseph Telushkin - Words That Hurt, Words That Heal: How To Choose Words Wisely And Well, HarperCollins, 2010
Rabbi Telushkin explains the harm in spreading gossip, rumors, or others’ secrets, and how unfair anger, excessive criticism, or lying undermines true communication. By sensitizing us to subtleties of speech we may never have considered before, he shows us how to turn every exchange into an opportunity.


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