Steve Holdsambeck and his family were deeply involved for many years in the southern (USA) Methodist Church. However, through a very emotional and difficult transition, he began to question his Christian faith and developed an increasing interest in meditation, which eventually led to an interest in Stephen Batchelor's books and secular Buddhism. Steve is a regular participant in SBN's monthly discussion group.

SBN Editor: When you were younger, were you religious? Did you strongly identify with a particular spiritual tradition? If so, what was appealing to you about that tradition?

Steve Holdsambeck:  I was born into a Protestant family with deep roots in the southern (USA) Methodist tradition. From my earliest memories up until about the age of 50, everything I saw and understood was screened through the lens of Protestant Christianity. I raised my kids the same way, unfortunately.

 

SBN: At what point did you find that tradition less appealing to you? Why?

SH: During and after college I worked for the US Forest Service. In order to advance, I moved around the country quite a lot to achieve higher level positions. At age 45, the agency moved me and my family to Ogden, Utah, within the metropolitan area of Salt Lake City.

The Church of Latter-Day Saints is worldwide and I’m sure everyone reading this knows a Mormon and most probably have a few Mormon friends as did I at that time. 

However, when one moves into Utah, one also moves into The Church of Latter-Day Saints. Effectively all politicians are Mormon, as are the business leaders, the leadership in your kid’s high school, youth sports, scouting, on and on.

I became intensely interested in what Mormons believed and why. I read a dozen or so books by Mormons about their experiences and beliefs as well as the Church’s sacred literature. I still felt security in my beliefs and successfully held tight to the cognitive dissonance that while I was believing true things, Mormons were all brainwashed. 

Around that time, the United Methodist Church was squabbling over permitting homosexuals to be ordained. I had always been taught and firmly believed that the Bible was ‘God’s Word’ but also that the parts where God was mean or murderous and the parts where God denounced homosexuals or endorsed slavery were to be understood after one is in Heaven, and then, these un-Christlike mysteries of His holy word will be revealed. An extra helping of cognitive dissonance. Anyway, the UMC voted to prohibit homosexuals from ordination. My family and I had a brief discussion, and we left the church that I, my parents, grandparents and great grandparents had attended. 

We began attending the United Church of Christ Congregationalists which openly supported the gay community. The UCCC was a refreshing change and very open to academic challenges to the increasingly troubling bible. For example:

• Why is god a male?  And what are the implications of that belief?
• Why did god need a sinless blood sacrifice in order to forgive our sins?
• Why are we ‘all’ born into sin?

I also began devoting a considerable amount of time reading what scholars were learning about the historical Jesus and the historical account of the Bible’s creation. Books by John Dominic Crossan, Bart Ehrman, and Reza Aslan presented an alternative universe that fascinated me.

The combination of all the above led me to understand I had been just as brainwashed as my Mormon pals. The things I believed for 50 years with all my heart are just as crazy as Joseph Smith translating Egyptian symbols on golden plates into 13^th century English. As a metaphor, I was born and raised quite blind. Exposure to Mormons, homophobic Methodists and free-thinking academic Congregationalists was like Jesus spit into my eyes and rubbed them clean. Now I see, Lord, now I see!

While this may sound matter-of-factish and plainly rational, to be clear this was a very emotional and very difficult transition over many years.  As St. Augustine said, ‘The church is a whore, but she’s my mother.’

 

SBN: Did you gravitate to Buddhism at that point?

SH: No!   I didn’t want anything to do with any ‘religion’. 

 

SBN: So, how and why did you become interested in Buddhism?  Did you join a sangha? Did you read books by Buddhist authors? What was the impact on you?

SH: My career in the Forest Service veered into Firefighter Safety and Risk Management at a pretty high level in the agency. In 2008 or so, two Forest Service psychologists approached me with an idea to train firefighters in meditation. Their argument was that meditation will enhance a firefighter’s situational awareness and thus significantly reduce the chance of a fire surprising firefighters, catching them in a burn-over situation. At that time 10-12 federal wildland firefighters were killed each year, mostly because firefighters are surprised by fire blow-up or wind shift, etc.

I took them up on their proposal and lined up about a half dozen elite firefighting crews across the country to spend a day with these two psychologists learning to meditate. The vast majority of the firefighters gave up mediation within days to a couple of months. I, however, kept with it. 

Listening to meditation teachers and reading books about meditation inevitably exposes one to Buddhist teachings as well. Unintentionally, over time, I learned that the Buddha is the source of some superbly practical advice and to many beautiful teachings. Unfortunately, there was the whole reincarnation thing; I still wanted nothing to do with a belief system.  

 

SBN: When and how did you learn about a secular approach to the Dharma? Why were you drawn to this approach?

SH: In 2019 I stumbled onto Stephen Batchelor’s, Buddhism Without Beliefs. Within a year I had read all the rest of Stephen’s books.

 

SBN: What ideas and practices of a secular approach do you find most impactful in your life?

SH: The ability to embrace the teachings of Buddha and Buddhists cleareyed, without having to adopt a dogma.

 

SBN: Do you find that secular Buddhism conflicts with other perspectives that you have? In short, has a secular Buddhist approach created any conflicts or tensions in how you think and act in the world?

SH: No. The opposite is true.

 

SBN: What do your friends and family think about your interest in secular Buddhism?

SH: My wife and kids are fine with it and generally supportive. Most of my friends think that I’ve just left Christianity for another religion and don’t want to talk about it. My siblings say that they pray for me often to come back to Jesus.  

 

SBN: Do you have a regular meditation practice? How much is your practice influenced by secular Buddhism?

SH: Very regular. I don’t think, however, that Secular Buddhism has had much influence on my meditation.

 

SBN: Please describe your current involvement in secular Buddhist (and other Buddhist) activities.

SH: Not much. I very recently found the SBN and I am thrilled with it.  I’ve reached out to two sanghas (there are only two in the Boise area) but one never responded and the other is still in COVID lock down. So SBN is it for me!

 

SBN: How would you like to see secular Buddhism develop in the years ahead?

SH: I think there are probably tens of thousands of people who would ‘join’ SBN if they knew about it. You guys need to get out there more.  For example, Sam Harris’ meditation app is now enormously popular, and I’ll bet he’d host a dialogue series with enlightened secular Buddhists. 

I hope the future of SBN includes many 3 to 7- day mediation retreats in the USA. I would really love to go on a SBN guided tour northern India, Thailand, Vietnam, Sir Lanka, etc. Eventually I hope SBN would have many chapters in moderate-sized cities in the USA including a Boise chapter.

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If you are interested in sharing the story of your journey, we'd be happy to hear from you! Please contact Colette at secularbuddhist.network@gmail.com.