It seems to me that when I react to a challenging experience with trepidation or apprehension, the next time I encounter a similar obstacle in my path, it can seem even more daunting. And likewise, when I act on a desire with a feeling of greed, the desire tends to grow stronger. My reaction to any experience colors/modulates the perception of similar experiences that I may encounter in the future.¹

Thus, when Sharon Tobias, in introducing a meditation at our SBN weekly meditation group recently, suggested the prompt “What am I cultivating?” I felt a jolt moving through my body: it seems that I’m always cultivating something, wittingly or (mostly) unwittingly. In other words, when my awareness is faint, I tend to cultivate reactive responses to what I experience. On the other hand, noticing reactivity, my mind more readily adopts a more receptive stance and often finds an alternative, more positive way to respond. 

So, most often when I reflect on the prompt “What am I cultivating?”, I feel a deep sense of responsibility: my reactivity really has consequences! For instance, my reactivity tends to adversely affect the people with whom I interact, as we all experience on a regular basis. But maybe less obviously, my reactivity also modulates the way I am constructing my self, moment to moment, for better or (more often) for worse.

When I started to practice with “What am I cultivating?”, it rapidly became evident that we can use this prompt in multiple ways, in both formal and informal settings. For example, either at the beginning of the day, say when we wake up, or at the beginning of a meditation session, we can set an intention to cultivate a wholesome quality, like mindfulness, loving kindness or gratitude, and use the prompt as an anchor.

Another way is to practice with “What am I cultivating?” as an anchor during open awareness practice. As such, it is akin to dropping in the prompt “What is my attitude?” in Receptive Awareness.² It’s an invitation to be aware of the presence of any reactivity or maybe noticing the arising of reactivity. It also can give us the mental space to summon up an appropriate response to a possibly challenging situation. Thus, “What am I cultivating?” can bring us in touch with the core meaning of the Pali term sati,³ which is “to remember” or “to recollect”. And what we are remembering are Gotama’s teachings, including the four foundations of mindfulness, the seven factors of awakening and the eightfold path. 

Often, “What am I cultivating?”, also comes to mind in a way that is similar to how I have been practicing with the koan “What’s This?” in the Korean Zen tradition.⁴ It’s like asking “What am I really doing here?” or “Who am I?” without expecting or trying to elaborate a rational answer. In this way, “What am I cultivating?” can elicit a deep sense of caring, for myself, for others and for the planet.

Remembering to connect with “What am I cultivating?” over the past two months has been very meaningful to me and has given me a fresh sense of purpose. One reason that I’m sharing these reflections is that they illustrate the inspiration that I get from the Secular Buddhist Network peer-led sangha. Thank you, Sharon, and all of you for sharing your stories, insights and aspirations.   

Notes and References:

1. The realization that our experience colors perception is in line with the predictive processing theory which tells us that perceptions are formed by a balance of direct sense experience and expectations that stem from previous related experiences. For a good introduction to the theory of predictive processing see Lisa Feldman-Barrett (2017). How Emotions are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. Mariner Books.
2. https://secularbuddhistnetwork.org/exploring-awareness-during-daily-life/
3. Robert Sharf (2014). Mindfulness and Mindlessness in Early Chan. Philosophy East and West 64: 933-964. See also the entry for “sati” in Wikipedia.
4. Stephen Batchelor and Martine Batchelor (2019). What is This? Ancient Questions for Modern Minds. Tuwhiri Project Ltd.

Banner image by Marc Symons